Heidi (Part5)

Daylight came. For my little sister the news of Dad was kept quiet. She was as cheerful as ever.
It was my mom's decision that she was to be moved to a neighbours for a few days. My job was to get it arranged and get her ready early enough so that she would not miss any school time. She was in grade one. She did not question any of this because she had slept over there before. She thought it would be fun and left willingly and happily. But I was not happy about my mom's idea.
The next twos days were full of errands. My brother and I remained home from school. I hardly remember what it was we had to do. I just know it became a blur in my head. There were the visitations prior to the funeral and then the funeral itself.
It took place mid day on Wednesday, a sunny, bright and warm day. I had never been in a limo. What an odd sensation it was. The limo ride was so very smooth and bump less that it felt as though we were floating. It somehow felt fitting. There was a very long stream of cars following us to the cemetery. I had no idea who all the people were. I guessed that my dad may have been famous or something but kept it from us. I still wonder about that huge crowd. Perhaps it was work related?
That afternoon my mom had the support of many other adults at her side. That left my brother and I to be with each other. We watched our mom. It was as if we were spectators at some huge drama. Mom was the lead character. We guessed it was that way because all the adults just seemed to collect together. We were not adults. We stood at the grave motionless just watching.
After the burial there was the reception. And there was alcohol. We watched as our mom fell into a state of drunkenness. No one seemed to mind. We became scared. She was the only parent we had left. We had seen her drunk at some of the parties given at our home. Dad would say she was just having a good time. But this was not a good time event.
So that day was the beginning of a whole new way of life that we would have to adjust to.  Alcohol was going to be Mom's choice of numbing her sorrow (along with pills and cigarettes). And there was her withdrawal into her own world.  She had lost her hero, her lover and we no longer mattered. She had wanted to spare my little sister the agony of losing a dad. Instead she put the three of us into a living nightmare. And it lasted for a long time.
My aunt and grandpa were in no better shape emotionally and stayed at their place
Out of fear I took on the role of caregiver to all of us. My brother became a loner. My sister became a nervous wreck. She was afraid to go to sleep. Her fear was heightened by an idea that we could all disappear like her dad had. Mom had not foreseen that her six year old needed to have some sort of concrete interaction with her loss of her dad. The poor girl believed that human death meant just vanishing over night! What a horror she was faced with.
And I, Heidi, could not fix such serious problems. Help was needed.