Since he refused to respond I leaned over his face and listened.
He was breathing and was in a deep state of sleep. I sat up and glanced down at my fourteen year old brother. He was at that very young adult stage where the limbs and body look misaligned and awkward.
I decided to move on. Across the hall was my little sister, ten years my junior, only six years old. I checked on her. She was fast asleep too. Her soft brown teddy, Chicago, was next to her. I walked out of our room and closed the door. As I walked back downstairs I wondered how they had managed to stay asleep through all the commotion and noise.
Outside my parents bedroom I heard the firemen discussing with my Mom what had happened.
These words sent chills through me. Heart failure. He died? Not possible! No way! The melodies he played earlier began to sing in my head and my eyes swelled with tears. I don't remember how long I stood there until Mom called for me but I knew instinctively that my role as the eldest had just taken on a whole new direction. As I entered the bedroom the firemen exited.
Mom looked exhausted and scared. Now it was my turn to help her. I was given the number of the coroner to call so that's the first thing I did.
Then I went back to Mom. My dad was making strange gurgling sounds that sounded a bit like the engine of a car revving. It made me want to believe he was getting better. As I sat down next to them, Mom started to talk about her experience. Dad had complained of discomfort around midnight so my mom called the family doctor who was on holiday. A replacement made the house call just before one and had requested my dad go to emerge but my dad, feeling a bit better, said he would wait until morning. The doctor made him promise that Dad would follow through and gave him a shot of something before leaving. Dad would not let Mom sleep. He insisted on telling her what she had to do after his death.
I listened to all this with one ear to the doorbell. It soon rang.
Confused, frightened and wishing I was in a deep sleep like my siblings, I went to the door.
"Heidi?"
"Yes. "
The doctor and the coroner were standing in front of me.
"Come in please. Just go down the hall to my mom."
I lingered for a moment glancing at the stars.
At that moment I became very angry with God.
"Why God?"
Feeling a bit better so I took a stroll at the pond. I posted some sky pics on the photo blog. There's a link on this page if you wish to see what I found.
ReplyDeleteOh My.... This makes me cry... What a horrible experience for a little girl--and for your Mom.
ReplyDeleteWhen my Dad died in 1969, I was living in Knoxville TN --and was married by then with one child. Daddy had Emphysema --and had not been well. BUT--he had been doing okay recently. Mom and Dad had decided just before he died that they would move to Florida where my two brothers lived, just to get Dad away from the wicked winters in Virginia... Well--in May he died ---BEFORE they could move.
I woke up BEFORE the phone rang during the night the night that Mom called to tell me that Daddy had died. Somehow --I must have known... When that phone rang, I knew it was her before I even answered... BUT--I was devastated since I was the Apple in my Daddy's Eyes....
I still miss him...
Thanks for a great post. Hope your story will continue.
Hugs,
Betsy
Oh my, what a gripping story of your father's death and your forced entry into adulthood with responsibilities. I was also 16 when my step father died. The world is never quite the same afterward. Big hugs xx.
ReplyDeleteHeidi, you are a very talented writer, do you write books or stories? you are a master teller to capture our interest with your story. i can feel your horror and pain as i read it.
ReplyDeleteHeidi--Your story breaks my heart. You tell it so well, and we can feel your emotion though few of us can really understand the true heartbreak this must have brought.
ReplyDeleteI looked at your photo blog but decided to join this one. thanks for keeping me posted as to what's going up on the other one. This was very sad, I need to go and read parts 1 and 2.
ReplyDeleteGripping - all three parts. My goodness! This is powerful and so well written. That must have been an extremly hard time - I am sorry but I sure like how Heidi helped her mother and checked on her siblings.
ReplyDeleteBTW - it is not nice to make a grown man cry. :)
I like that at a young age you were strong and ready to do what your mother needed you to do even though you had your own feelings to deal with about your father. Maybe the fact that you were the eldest child put you in the position of taking care of others.
ReplyDelete