Monday, May 3, 2010

May 1

"When it rains it pours." Does it really? 
It seems like it's pouring at my home, in my heart.
May is here. I thought I would be very happy but I really am not. I should be. I have a couple of friendly followers on my blog. That is so encouraging, making me keener to keep on learning the craft. How quickly that feeling can be numbed! Why is it that for every joyous moment there must be dozens of sad or disappointing ones? In the past two years I overcame a huge loss from a house fire that destroyed many so precious items and I recovered from the surgical removal of an enormous cancer in my colon. Though the recommended chemo was not an option because I was too weak, lots of prayers and herbal teas helped me to be in remission. But in January my blood pressure got very irregular. After several trips to the hospital a medication finally helped that and I was able to resume my activities by the end of March. In April I became stronger and was happier for it. Then a walk on Saturday changed that. I noticed I was not seeing properly out of the left eye! The worry that I will lose my sight was back. The eye has been subject to two surgeries; one for  the restoration of a sudden total retinal detachment ( I was blind on the day of that operation and that surgeon said he would try his best and he did!! ), the other was for a cataract removal and a lens implant (The surgeon was worried the retina might act up but it didn't! ). For 17 years my bad eye was actually the better eye until May 1st. Now the light coming in is dulled and the focus is limited. I feel as though I'm looking through a pin hole. And there is a dull pain! Darn!!! Prayers have been upped and soul searching continues. Once again the struggle to get better is facing me. Will the outcome to be a happy one? God knows and I hope the surgeon will do his best when the time comes. Right now I'm waiting to be seen by him. Still I love reading and writing. It would be very sad to lose that and the enjoyment of following my newest friends. Bloggers. Perhaps they will pray too?
May 1st was a cloudy day. There was some thunder and a very brief downpour of hail. This kind of precipitation hurts. I prefer the gentle raindrops that make me feel as though I'm being cleansed and restored.  I'm hope I will get better. I have to. I want to keep that opportunity to read and write more and more. I really do! Blogging!
Big print helps Kleinste Motte.


  1. My dear blogging friend, I am so sad to read of your situation.
    I do hope and pray for you. I do not want to see you lose the opportunity to learn more about blogging. Sometimes (many times) I feel the sadness that you express. There are so many precious moments, but it seems there is so much to worry about as well. I feel that more since my mother died three years ago. I guess because I was a daughter, and now I am no longer, I take things even more seriously than before. I am just worried about all the things that could go wrong, and being a mother of teenage children is a hard thing to be. A friend of mine lost her daughter, a 38 year old mother to three to a rare blood cancer. I think why? Why? I have no answers. I know that I am enjoying your friendship, and hope we get to know each other even more. I love the picture. It is beautiful!

    I try to make this a large font, but it would not let me. Sorry.

  2. I am visiting your blog at the suggestion of Brenda who is a very dear friend of mine even though we've never met in person. I feel like I know her; I feel she is one of my closest friends....weird huh? But that seems to be how this 'cyber' world works when we only have words to get to know each other. I've always been better at words/writing letters than to actually vocalize my feelings. This is a blessing when it leads me to such special people!
    I am so glad that she has led me to your blog and perhaps a new friend! I don't know the reason why 'God' tests us and then tests us again. The only thing I can figure out is a. we need to find the strength within ourselves during these times with love b. there is already strength inside of us, we just need to be reminded of it.
    For whatever reason, our strength is tested. During these times, you need to gather the love, to feel the love close to you...all around you. This is what I wish for you....Feel the Love!!!

    Look forward to reading more of your blog!

  3. Oh my, I'm sorry to hear about your eyesight. It is a test indeed. My mom has lost much of her ability to read and write due to poor eyesight. She had cataract surgery and things seem to have gone downhill from there. That was a few years ago. But I do believe in prayer (we pray a lot for her other illnesses but not for the eyesight for some reason). I will pray for you too. Hugs