Silent Pouncer

    CTV  News 's hit me hard yesterday. It led me back to another broken road that I've had to travel on. Here's why; as parents we try very hard to educate and protect our children but the system of support is not always in our favour. Really! 
    In the summer of 1998 we had language exchange students staying with us. Our daughters were great hostesses. And both were busy learning new skills . Our youngest was becoming a proficient English style rider. Our older one was learning to fly at our local small airport. We thought that lessons and hosting would enhance their self esteem and keep them busy during the holidays. As events brought them in contact with more outsiders, I kept a vigilant eye on all, especially my older daughter because she seemed to be talking a fair bit about a guy she met online. Apparently he lived in England. According to her they met in a chat room while she was chatting with other would be pilots. That all seemed fine and harmless. But not for very long.
   One fall day my youngest daughter became very quiet. She reached out to us in a way that was most disturbing. Unusually dopey she couldn't support herself and dropped to the ground thus scaring us. We assisted her to get her to a seat. While leaving out alarming details of what she tried to do to herself suffice to say she alerted us to the fact that her sister had wanted her to take part in webcam photo shoots in the nude. She refused and felt very bad that sis was doing this. Horrified I quizzed the older one. Then I demanded that she hand over her laptop and webcam. When I asked why these pics were being taken she just said she was experimenting and had no idea it would upset anyone. It had not yet dawned on me that she was being messed with. It took more looking. 
   From that day on I watched like a hawk over my girls. That lead to secrecy and lots of lies. Then one day I found my eldest had used my desktop to chat with her David friend and had not closed the file. I began to read. My mouth dropped. She was being sexually groomed by some pervert! Now what?
    My gut told me to sit down with her and talk to her frankly. She argued that since chatting with him she was getting A's in school and all was well. True. And he was miles away. True. But when I tried to convince her to end the contact with him, she came back saying he'd moved to Australia and a cousin called Steve was now at his flat. Steve had a son, Jim, who was her age and that was fine. She was not willing to or able to see my point. But I told her to end all this anyway because it was not good. And I tried to find help but even my close friends thought I was over-reacting. Our daughter was too nice. It could not be true. Surely not! Help was difficult to find.
    So in 1998 no one was ready to believe our plight could be real. Porno via internet? Never! Our 15 year old daughter was just fantasizing and I was her prying mother who had no right to read her stuff left open on my own computer. That's what her counsellor said. And her doctor! Really?
    But there were signs that something was getting more and more out of control. Since her laptop was taken, I discovered she found other ways to get to the internet.  She would sneak into the basement where our old 486 desktop was kept in storage. I noticed she brought it back to life and even found an old Hayes modem and a phone line. She was bright. Stopping her was becoming a huge challenge. 
    Then came the family issues. Soon a frustrated hubby blamed the fact that we had bought the stuff and had it in our home. He became more and more angry with everyone because he felt at a loss. It was not a pleasant time. The family was becoming torn apart emotionally. We all went for counselling together. Really!
    Then came the day when the youngest came to me early in May 1999 and said that Sis had received a letter in the mail from England. Her visitor, Williams, would be at our home on the 12th!!  While the eldest was delighted, her sister was terrified. So was I. England was suddenly too close. Worse, he had our home address. Now I took more aggressive action. Along with the letter and her laptop with its pics and chats I headed to the nearby police station. When I explained my problem they gave me weird glances. Really!
   As I handed them her laptop I saw that they had no idea how to access the material. They were not familiar with the technology!! I left the laptop with them and filled out a request for aid but 24 hours later I was asked to retrieve it. They had no idea how they could be of help. Really!
   But I had been to the police. Seems that was enough for the visitor to change his plans. For days I kept my girls close by me until I was sure that no one would appear at the door, at least as sure as I could be.
   Elder daughter claimed that my crazy behaviour led her to give up on the chats with the trio (David, make-believe cousin Steve and son Jim) but I suspect it stopped at the his end. Yet the incidents of grooming her away from her parents towards others and the rather explicit sexual events over the net have had a huge impact on her, more than she has understood. Her relationships with men have not resulted in sustained happy times. She has had various counsellors but her self esteem is still shaky. Low motivation and depression surface over and over. And she still has moments of mistrust towards us. As her mother I tried everything that I could at the time. Trust me.
   She is now trying to become a successful tattoo artist and I hope she feels happiness in that. Still I see moments of self doubt. She was robbed of something. Part of her has been violated. Her spirit is not the same. Some sparkle in her has not come back. But there are occasional glimpses of it and there's hope. 
   The internet is a very powerful tool that allows manipulation of a spirit. More and more we learn of the harm being inflicted on all kinds of age groups. Sadly the market for sexual exploitation is one of the largest and I think there is much to learn about how we can change rules so less harm is done. Really! 
   Davis Russell Williams is in jail for raping and murdering two women two years ago. During the investigation of his conduct the police seized his computers and he pleaded guilty to child pornography. A deal was cut to keep this confession quiet until now. Today the news mentioned it. Today I was reminded of those tough days. I wonder how many others like my girl and their families are still struggling because he pounced on them?
   How did David Russell Williams find her? She was learning to fly and he was a VIP pilot in the Canadian Air Force. He had access to airport activity. Students. Future pilots. In the military as a Colonel he flew such dignitaries as Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip. He had access to England to mail her letters. He betrayed the trust of his position and allowed himself to be a rapist and a murderer. Hurting hundreds of young unmentioned minds was not part of his punishment! These victims were used to cut a deal in his confession. 
Oh how the hell of 1998/99 lingers on! That nightmare is still not quite over. But I am more hopeful that parents and children will get help more quickly as it becomes known that this luring has a huge impact on entire families and their friends too. And it is happening anywhere and everywhere!!
   TRUST, the movie, may be too tough for my senses to process but it will be a powerful message. There is great harm in trusting wrong doers but they come disguised. Always be alert for that silent pouncer.