Sunday, November 10, 2013


  Doesn't she look like a happy great future chef? Adorable future housewife? Compassionate care giver? Currently she's an emerging super tattoo artist!

  After almost two years of independent living our daughter has decided it's not very cost effective to run a new business and a new household simultaneously. Somehow the cash flow out is just too high and it's eating away at her investments. So she gave her landlord notice to vacate and November 3rd her buddies assisted her with moving into our home. 
  Hubby is delighted to have her back though she's running her life parallel to her needs not his. He's okay with that. But I'm a bit more skeptical about my girl whose intentions of being organized and domesticated are like many artists,  not a priority. To have things ship shape as I would have them hardly matters to her unless someone special is coming around for a visit. 
  Check out my living room on the first day of her re-entry. She assumed no one was coming. Happily no one was.

After a couple of days the living room area was emptied and I could see my sofas and dining room table clearly. Several items still remain.  

   But as it happens her stuff was just shifted up to a second floor bedroom right at the top of the stairs. There her chaotic ways continue. However, she promises it will be dealt with soon. Perhaps even tomorrow? Her bed seems to be buried but that's no problem for her. She just goes over to her cousin's or a friend to hang out since they live in the city where all the action for artist tends to be. She may be home tonight but late. And then she may have to rest because Mondays are usually her day off unless an appointment was pre booked for some ink to skin. Her world is so different from one I am familiar with. I was a teacher and lived by the rules of my times. That's how it had to be. But it's different now.

   From several documentaries and first hand experience I know that some of our generation's children are coming back to parental homes and it is quite a trend due to the shift in the current economic job situation. Their age group is highly impacted by our generation's assumptions that good education leads to job opportunities and job security. What we all came to expect from our own paths and achievements is no longer the pattern nor the norm. It is far from the truth now! With modern mass production lines where machines do assembly work we have reduced chunks in the job force. And we even have over production a times. Careers we once held are being phased out. Even school classrooms as we know them will have a new look by 2030 because the curriculum is now being tailored to individuals working on tablets and will do much of it from remote locations rather than at desks in a school building. Only group activities would be the exception.
   Though she runs her own shop she finds it is not easy to promote her type of skills for a quick profit. She loves tattooing and has become more skilled over the past 5 years but she could use a good marketeer to launch her into a larger client base. That costs money. So for now she's back with us. Her goal is to save on her cost of living and to afford ways to promote her craft. We are fortunate to be able to extend her that time for now. We've been partially assisting all along as an investment into her future business. In fact this reduces our financial gain a bit.
  But seeing all her clutter makes me think back to days when we did without so many frills. Shopping was different. Spending ideas were different. Advertising has had a huge affect on that. Today our middle class kids have come to expect more because of us. We have managed to show them that way. Clutter is so common as over purchased bargains pile up. We parens also fail to part with our things and they see that too. Clutter woes are an issue, one that's growing fast.
  Could daughter use some serious additional lessons on how go live with less? Probably. Would less clutter be the outcome? Or would less spending cause a negative downslide perhaps in our economy, the same one our generation put into place so that the kids of middle class could thrive?
  Woes to ponder. 
  Older kids moving back home?
  Perhaps family life is being reshaped so that some members will have to remain home in order for the job market to be balanced? 

P.S.  Our Ellie gained a feline rival / companion. Daughter brought along her one year old kitty, Chilli, to join our menagerie. And we also gained an aquarium full of fish that she inherited from a friend who returned to the parental home a bit earlier.


  1. Oh, dear. This doesn't sound like it will have a happy outcome. I do hope she will be able to find a place for herself so she can clutter to her heart's content. Sending you some cyber hugs, Heidrun. :-)

  2. this is a big OH nooo to me... i am a neat freak and this would push me over the brink... my son moved out when he was 18 because he wanted to come in at 2 am.. he would come home, the dog would bark and it would wake me up and i could not go back to sleep...or he would not come home and i would get up and wonder where he was...i laid down the law and he did not like the law so he moved out and never came back. my other son was on a revolving door, get a job and move out, lose the job and back home. we finally said no never again you are out of here.... i wish you luck

  3. I enjoyed your post though I know it isn't easy to live with clutter when you're a neat person.

    I do hope a happy balance can be reached. Adult children must learn to live by the "rules" of the house and not by their own rules since they are the ones receiving the benefit. These boundaries can be difficult to establish with a grown child.

    My hopes and wishes for you is that this will be a time of happiness for all of you.

  4. Did I write this? lol and sigh... well? that was what I writing about the clutter was driving me insane.

    I read every single word of your post and shaking my head ... um mmm... been there done that... what's that saying .. I got the T-Shirt?

    It'll work out but .... oh, me. I hope you've honed your sense of humor! gonna be needed f'sure...

    blogging about it sure helped me!

  5. Judging from this you've got a sense of humor about the whole situation, which is good. We had B's son living with us for a year and a half. At first it was actually quite nice to have him around; but eventually it wore thin. One piece of advice: Make a rule and enforce it: She can keep her own room however she wants and if it's messy you don't worry about it; but she must clean up after herself in the rest of the house. Hope she goes for that. Good luck ... and hang onto that sense of humor!

  6. Oh my! I must say I have been there done that with my oldest son. He was newly out of the Coast Guard and found a job but had no place to live, he stayed with us for a short time and soon found his own place. I had the other two children still at home so it really was no different from our everyday life. However, they are all living on their own now BUT seem to show up with "stuff" to store at Mom's house...just for a little while, please? Soon we won't have any place for our stuff!

  7. Our daughter, son-in-law and three grandchildren lived with us for a summer a year ago. It was a chaotic, noisy, crazy time. We loved it but were also glad to get back to the quiet of only two. Good luck to all of you (pets included!) with this temporary stage in all of your lives.

  8. I have a number of friends whose adult kids have moved back home to save money. They all seem okay with the disruption, but from this side it feels like a disrespectful invasion. I'm sure you'll have some great stories to tell from this if nothing else.

  9. Hallo liebe Heidrun,
    da ist ja der Sturmwind über deine Wohnung hereingebrochen! ;-)) Kann nur besser werden.
    Liebe Grüße zum Wochenbeginn,

  10. I think you could have quoted me on my - they all come back at least once - theory. Good luck on that, once they leave they have their own mindset that doesn't reverse when they come back. It's too bad too...


  11. Our daughter and grandson moved in with us for a few months several years ago...I was delighted to have her back (and him there!) but I do know it upends your life! :-) You can enjoy her to the fullest of your timne together now, and hopefully her life's paths will open up in new and wonderful ways for her soon, as well.

  12. Dear Heidrun, I'm wondering how Ellie and Chilli are getting along. And also if your daughter had settled down and put away her belongings. I tend to think that after a daughter/son has been away from the home and lived elsewhere, the moving back in can be truly traumatic for everyone concerned.

    You didn't mention Buddy in your posting. How does he feel about all this?