For too many days I have tuned the world as I know it off. I have allowed myself to be listless and self-centred expecting others to care for me. While it may be helpful for the body it is not for my soul. Though I prefer my independence my eyes and health issues are becoming my excuse and that I'm allowing it, that's not for the good.
I have trouble seeing because the healing of the eye has changed the glasses prescription a lot and it's too early for a new one. My stitches will be removed on July 6th. Meanwhile I try to just keep busy with silly things that don't require much focus. Even shopping has become harder because I like to read the labels. I feel so lost.
Then I chose more to moan about. On Friday, June 10th, I had the throat biopsy at the hospital ENT ward. It will determine the nature of the abnormal lesions on the left side where I once had tonsils. The current procedure felt like another tonsillectomy. It has forced me off my feet once more. Popsicles helped sooth the soreness a bit however my ego wasn't impressed.
Finally today I'm trying to do more. The pain has subsided. Excuses must end. Blurred vision will no longer hold me down!! NO!!
I need to focus on all the goodness around me. It's not right to forget that I live a blessed life. Cancer so far has stayed under control and I must believe it will continue to do so. All will be well. I will be 65 in a few weeks and that's a milestone. Right?? And more good times will follow but I must get back on a positive track, grounded and cheerful. Yes! That's it.
Patti's checkup went well on June 9th. I'm glad for her and hopeful for me. Her post was the only one I was able to finish reading today. I loved the way she blended a grandma, a new mom and a baby with an imperfection all into one beautiful experience as she waited at her doc to discover her fate. Cancer or not? Free. And she's happy. Was it coincidence that I just happened to be on her blog today? Perhaps but I think souls have ways of connecting in ways yet to be discovered. Did the date play a role? Down syndrome? Perhaps I had Gertrud on my mind and her soul guided me?
Whatever pulled you to her blog, it was a perfect one to read. I also was glad when I read it, and now I am hoping that you will feel more contented. It's awfully hard when one cannot READ! And Happy Birthday just a bit early! It's a big milestone indeed... been there already myself! :-)
ReplyDeleteso glad you are taking control once again, it is ok to be down for a while, you have had more than the normal to contend with. you are bouncing back and welcome back to blogland. hope each day finds you stronger and more healed.
ReplyDeleteFrom sixty on, I've been aware that my mood and my outlook cannot be, must not be, tethered so firmly to my health--to the degree that I have any control over that whatsoever. I've struggled to have that control, with only occasionally satisfactory results, but I refuse to give up the effort. The alternative sucks and I refuse to participate.
ReplyDeleteThe only quasi-philosophical thing I've come up with is, when the extensions of myself (time, senses, mobility, etc.) dwindle, I must turn to the infinity within...and bring a magnifying glass. Don't that sound profound? Whatever does it mean, I wonder?
If I figure anything out any time soon other than that, I'll broadcast that knowledge both high and wide.
In the meantime, here's to the interpolated life! May you locate contentment within it.
I'm three months out of my surgery and still finding limitations of things I cannot yet do that I did easily before. Patience is not one of my virtues. But hang in there, eventually your stitches will come out and your eye settle in to where they can fit you with correction. And it will be just a memory.
ReplyDeletePerhaps there was a reason to visit Patti's blog when you did. I know there are times when life seems to deal us some unlucky cards, but that's when you have to stop and remember all the lucky ones you have had in the past and will in the future.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy we live in a day and age when almost anything, health wise, can be fixed or repaired. There are occasions when it can't, but all in all things seem to work out pretty good.
Most people expect miracles though and want things to be taken care of quickly and heal instantly, but things don't always work that way. Patience is something we all have to work towards. I know my husband has very little patience with himself and others. I keep trying to tell him, that not having patience just makes things worse.
Remember how long it took for your first baby to be born from start to finish, nine months. And look what a great creation you ended up with. So be patient, and let the eyes heal, and enjoy the great eye sight once it's all healed and you have your new glasses.
Today the four daughters ( we also have a son and two grandchildren (grown) that live in Fl)and three grandchildren, along with one partner, Abe and myself will be getting together to celebrate Father's Day and our one daughter's birthday, she'll be 38 on June 27th. This is one Sunday we can all get together. I made it for 3pm, this way I only have to serve cake, ice cream, chips and dip, no large meal. Any more at almost 75, they tire me out preparing a large meal for a group. Even when the girls all bring a covered dish, it's just getting the table ready, chairs, cleaning up afterwards and etc.
Remember, hang in there, it will all be over and healed soon. I had a doctor tell me about 50 years ago, who ever removed my tonsils either didn't do a good job, or I had a lot of extra stuff that had grown back in my throat and it would be best to have it removed and also my nose fixed at the same time. I told him as long as I could breath and swallow I wasn't having either one taken care of. He sort of chuckled and said he didn't blame me. I must admit, it seems I can only breathe through one side of my nose but other than that, it's fine. I'll just keep it like it is. LOL
Have a peaceful Sunday.
I am glad you realize you must be in control. It probably is aggravating on not being able to see well. I am still praying for your recovery. Glad Patti's check up went well. I know how strong willed you are, after your incident with your husbands heart attack. You made it through this tough time and you will make it through this.
ReplyDeleteIt is challenging sometimes for us to remember our blessings when we have so many. I know I take a lot of things for granted but when I travel to somewhere like Kenya, I always remember how good I have it. I'm glad you're getting on track again. It can be hard to do. I'm sure once you get your new specs you will feel much more like your best self. Hugs. xx
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ReplyDeleteThank you for your visit and comment on my site!
ReplyDeleteI read your profile and some of your so positive writings.
My poor English is causing difficulties for writing what I would like to say, I can do such a mistakes, which change the whole idea of a sentence. Sorry about that.
But I tell you, that I am also the retired teacher ( biology and geography ), I am also a cancer survivor and I had also few years ago very serious detaching of a retina. Doctors did not know, am I loosing my sight or not. After a surgery I waited almost a month and then I saw almost as clearly as before. And I have had a pacemaker in my heart over 20 years because my heart became so slow.
But I feel in this moment myself healthy and happy :)
My husband and I are today waiting for our older daughter with her children ( 15 and 12 years old ) here for a week, after they have gone will come our younger daughter with her family, a husband and children ( 4 and 1 years ) and when they are back at their own home, will come our son`s older daughter ( 14 ) with her cousins here. My son and her wife will go to France for bicycling there and their younger daughter will go in same time to the riding camp :)
Our summer will be full of fun hoping everybody will be well, we know, nothing is taken for granted.
I will be back, beautiful day to you and yours!
I've been busy and out of touch and have not checked in for a while. I hope you are going better.
ReplyDeleteI definitely think age 65 is a milestone and one to be celebrated. You are a special person who has had to deal with much throughout your life. Thinking of you with positive thoughts...
You have had alot to deal with and its okay to feel the way you have. I won't pretend to know how you are feeling but I have had my share of feeling sorry for myself days ever since my fibromyalgia diagnosis. Then I stop and remember all my blessings and get back onto the right path, so to speak. I wish you well.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, it's hard to make oneself keep moving forward, is it not?
ReplyDeleteI have come to look for - and find - blessings in the obvious and in the unlikely. Trying to find the widest possible view, illness or disability turn us inward, a place we might not visit if we could keep up our familiar pace in the exterior world. I have come to consider my life that of a contemplative, not a bad assignment. In the process, through finding certain teachings and illuminations, my heart has grown much softer, toward myself and, on my best days, the rest of the world. Sixty-five is a beautiful milestone, whether we are sitting, standing, reclining or whatever. Bravo.
ReplyDeleteIt is so important not to focus on our circumstances..not easy. I struggle and then quickly turn everything over to the lord each morning. I try to find a bright spot in each circumstance and look for that window or door that God provides for us.
ReplyDeleteLife keeps throwing big sticks at our legs tripping us up, but that's the same for everyone.
ReplyDeleteHope you'll manage to see the bright side and allow yourself a giggle.
Es geht alles vorueber, es geht alles vorbei, auf jeden Dezember, folgt wieder ein Mai . . . . .usw.
Sending you hugs. Hope you feel better.
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